


If I Stay

by baeconandeggs



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-05
Updated: 2015-05-05
Packaged: 2018-03-29 04:04:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3881596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baeconandeggs/pseuds/baeconandeggs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Baekhyun hopes Chanyeol chooses to stay.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If I Stay

**Author's Note:**

> This is literally one of the hardest and longest thing I’ve had to write so far and I’m proud of myself for finishing this even though there were so many times I just wanted to abandon it and drop out. ;((((  
> This has been quite the ride.  
> Firstly, I want to thank the Mods for being sooooo patient and kind with me and putting up with all the crap I give them even when I don’t deserve it (sobz) and for accepting my repeated extension of the deadline.   
> Also, thank you to my lovely recipient for giving me such great prompts. I had a really hard time choosing. And I want to apologize in advance if the story isn’t up to your standards :’( I tried the best I could but certain circumstances were just cruel. So I really hope you enjoy this~  
> Lastly, thank you to my beta, C, who had to handle me and my extremely shitty habit of sending her my draft at the last minute. Thank you for not judging me when I got really weird towards the deadline. Thank you so much for reading thru my work even when it was close to 5a.m where you were!!! And also thanks to my other beta, D, who helped with the idea flow. You were such a great help when I was stuck in a rut. Thank you for reading my work and being such a sweet person. Xxx  
> Oh and enjoy the Taohun! /or is it setao?/  
> p/s: also thanks to chanyeol for being a cute shit, really, congrats on ur face oTL

Baekhyun's Grand Scheme of Things comes in the form of those wretched pee sticks he'd gotten on his way back to his dorm from the dollar shop (2 for 1, and he'd grabbed literally as many as he could fit in his clumsy hands). Out of the five sticks that sat on the marbled counter, four displayed two mocking lines instead of one.    
      
_That_ , Baekhyun thinks, that right there is a big, fat reality check. Peeing on a stick is already hard enough on its own - how on earth does anybody do it? - but the wait for a piece of plastic to show the incriminating results is probably the most nerve-racking experience he's ever had to go through in his life. And as he chews on the ruined skin around a thumb, the second line on the last stick materializes and everything else that's important in his life fades into ashes of the seemingly inconsequential.     
      
Last semester's less-than-satisfactory grades, the weekend's deadline for the most monstrous Sociology essay yet, ever-piling tuition fees and his parent's never-ending feud -- everything appears to have taken a backseat at this point in his life. Here's the thing: Baekhyun knows the exact moment when the inevitable had transpired. No, it wasn't several weeks ago as the pee sticks may suggest. Ironic as it was, something as revolutionary as such is the result of a gradual build-up of emotion that had stemmed from the simplest of hellos.   

Clearly it hadn't been so much of the  _hello_  that had him that fateful first day of college; rather, it was the achingly gorgeous person who had uttered the very words that had apprehensive and uptight Byun Baekhyun reduced to a star struck teenage girl.     
     
     
_Calloused hands cradle his face, warm smiles are exchanged. There's no breath left for words in between impatient kisses, but  
     
     
"You're really something else, Baekhyun."_    
     
     
He feels faint at the memory.  

\--  

They’d met in their first year of college some three years ago.     
      
The first thing Baekhyun had noticed was his smile. My god, was his smile _beautiful_. Chanyeol’s smile was, and would always be, to Baekhyun, reminiscent of sunshine and everything warm. His handsome grin had been accompanied by a pair of round and inquisitive eyes that sparkled with mischief. Baekhyun had been told as a child to stay away from boys like him; _they'll only break your heart,_ his mother had said as she sighed longingly at a husband who was always busy entertaining everyone else. He should listen to her advice. Their failure of a marriage should be proof enough.    
    
Baekhyun liked to think he hated romance, growing up watching his parents drift apart,but there had been something about Chanyeol’s warm smiles and great company that had him fantasizing about what it would feel to be kissing those invitingly plump lips and running his hands all over those toned, slender arms. Baekhyun could only imagine what it would have felt like to be in the boy’s embrace.    
    
And three years on, things hadn’t changed one bit. Baekhyun  _still_ continued to wonder if he would ever get a chance to know what it would feel like to be loved by Park Chanyeol.    
    
Baekhyun chews on his pencil, staring at the same equation for the past five minutes. In reality, he’s been sneaking glances at the other boy who sits across the table from him and doing that thing again where he’s conjuring up a dream about Chanyeol turning up at his doorstep at 2 in the morning, drenched from the night storm and professing his love for him like a scene out of a chick flick. It’s unhealthy, really, but Baekhyun can’t help it. He’s never had a boyfriend, or a crush for that matter, and the first time he decides he’s ready to like someone despite his pessimistic views on love, the boy he likes doesn’t even seem like he returns the sentiment.    
    
Sehun often calls him out for it, being the ever observant brother, but he’d just shrug it off.

There’s a deep frown on the taller boy’s face as he furiously analyses the question. An errant lock of dark auburn hair falls into his eyes, but he doesn’t move to push it away, which only makes Baekhyun itch to do it for him.     
    
“Hey, Yeol?”    
    
It takes a few beats of silence for Chanyeol to realise that he’s been called by the dark-haired boy and he looks up in a daze. He stares expectantly at Baekhyun who becomes flustered, words stuck in his throat.    
    
“We should call it a night,” Baekhyun says once he’s snapped out of his stupor and found his voice. “We’ve been at this for hours now. My brain’s fried, and I could really use a drink right now.”    
    
Chanyeol slams his book shut with a weary sigh and moves to pack. “So do I.”    
    
Tequila in hand, Baekhyun stares with fascination as Chanyeol downs a third shot. They’d gone out for drinks together, but neither had been much of a drinker so they never went home with nothing more than a slight buzz. But with finals in a few weeks, Baekhyun finally understands what his seniors had meant when they had said that one would do things he never thought he could or would do during the lead up to the exams.     
    
Maybe that’s partly the reason why they end up stumbling into Chanyeol’s dorm, giggling into each other’s hair and shoving their tongues down each other's throat. Maybe that’s also the reason why Baekhyun’s pushing Chanyeol onto the bed, laughing through repeated apologies as Chanyeol rubs at the sore bump on his head from having hit the headboard.     
    
And then Chanyeol’s laughing, too, and Baekhyun can’t help but to ask, “What’s so funny?”    
    
“Your laughter’s contagious,” Chanyeol replies with an impish grin. Baekhyun’s only response is to run his thin fingers across Chanyeol’s face, tracing every feature as if he were memorizing them. This close, Baekhyun notices many things he hadn’t before. The pads of his fingers map out the constellation of faint freckles across Chanyeol’s cheeks and dips into the indent of his dimples. They sketch the fondness in Chanyeol’s smile and caress the plumpness of his lower lip.    
    
Even through his drunken haze, Baekhyun’s eyes are soft as he watches Chanyeol’s hands leave their hold on his waist long enough to strip himself of his shirt. Maybe the reason why Baekhyun’s leaning in with slender fingers holding Chanyeol’s face and kissing him slowly and fervently is because he’s in love. He’s been in love with Chanyeol for a long time. He doesn’t know how it had happened, but he knows that he’s ready to do something about it now.     
    
“Yeol…” Baekhyun pants as Chanyeol concentrates on leaving a trail of kisses on the underside of his pale neck. Baekhyun pulls him closer, wanting to feel Chanyeol’s body pressed up against his own. He’s pegged lofty dreams on what it would feel like to have Chanyeol’s lips on his own and Chanyeol’s arms holding him in an intimate embrace, and he’s not disappointed.    
    
“What are we doing?” he asks in a quiet voice. In his mind, they’re crossing the fine between best friends and lovers. Three years have been long enough for their friendship to grow. Three years have been enough time for Baekhyun’s feelings to manifest into something greater than just an infatuation. Chanyeol’s proven time and again how much he cares; enough to make Baekhyun think that the reality that they could be more is something attainable. Baekhyun has always stood in the middle and tonight, he finally knows that Chanyeol does too.    
    
“I don’t know,” Chanyeol grunts against his skin. “But it feels good.”     
    
“I’m not sober and neither are you but I just need you to know something.” Chanyeol’s hands are running all over the expanse of his chest, and Baekhyun can’t help but moan.     
    
“Chanyeol, you’re amazing,” Baekhyun says breathlessly, not very sure if he’s referring to the way Chanyeol’s kissing him, hot and heavy and with great intent, or the way he has always known Chanyeol to be.  
    
“I’ve always thought the same about you,” Chanyeol says when he pulls back. His hair is mussed and his eyes are heavy with lust, lips swollen red from the kisses. Baekhyun’s heart skips a beat.

“Yeah?” Baekhyun holds his breath. Chanyeol pauses his ministrations, pulling back just slightly with hands on either side of the boy’s full hips and staring intently into his eyes.

“You know,” Chanyeol begins, voice low, “That first time we met, when you broke down crying at my question of where the library was?”

The alcohol has settled nicely but Baekhyun still feels a hot burst of embarrassment at the reminder of the incident that happened during their freshmen year. He remembers it so well – his parent’s had just announced their separation and he had been highly emotional, and Chanyeol just so happened to catch him at a really bad time.

“I wasn’t crying because of your question, stupid,” Baekhyun scoffs as Chanyeol brings a hand to his neck and lets them dance down the expanse of it, sending shivers down Baekhyun’s spine.

“I know,” Chanyeol chuckles. “But you were crying and I couldn’t help it. You looked so _sad_.”

“That’s because I was,” Baekhyun sasses. Alcohol did make him feistier. 

“That’s not the point.” Chanyeol rolls his eyes. “What I’m trying to say is that you looked so sad then but you could _still_ insult my giant ears and _laugh_ even as you were crying. And I’ve never told you this but your smile is literally the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”

Baekhyun’s heart flutters at the compliment and he thinks, _finally_. Finally they were on the same page. How had he gotten so lucky?

“I’ve met so many different kinds of people in my life but nobody had ever shined as brightly as you do.” 

“I’m Edward Cullen now?” Baekhyun giggles, “Excuse you, but I _don’t_ shine—”

“In my eyes you do, Baek,” Chanyeol says seriously. “In my eyes you’re everything good.”  
    
Calloused hands cradle his face, warm smiles are exchanged. There's no breath left for words in between impatient kisses, a taste of alcohol in them, but Chanyeol pauses long enough to whisper in his ears, “You're really something else, Baek.”  
    
\--    
    
Baekhyun awakes with an intermittent pounding in his head and a sharp pain that shoots up from his lower back. He smells foul, even his nostrils can’t stand the stench of himself, but it’s a good thing he does because the whiff of alcohol he inhales is enough of a trigger for him to remember the drunken lust and sinful confessions of the night before.    
    
Jolting upright, he groans at how horribly cliché this whole situation is. Friends spent the night drinking, had drunk sex and woke up regretting everything. They’ve slept in the same bed together. They’ve been best friends in the short three years they’ve known each other and Chanyeol had literally no concept of personal space. He was a cuddler in bed, and though it had been a problem in the beginning, what with Baekhyun having to deal with his secret feelings for the boy, today it was a whole different feeling. Chanyeol had actually confessed that he saw him more than just a best-friend-in-college. And Chanyeol had actually held him the way Baekhyun had always dreamt of being held by the boy.  
Baekhyun glances at the sleeping form beside him. Chanyeol’s lying face down in the pillows but Baekhyun still manages to get a glimpse of his face. He looks thoroughly spent, but he’s so still incredibly handsome that it makes Baekhyun’s heart race.    
    
“Chanyeol,” Baekhyun calls. “Wake up.”    
    
He nudges the boy on the shoulder, causing him to stir awake. Baekhyun tries not to get distracted by Chanyeol’s nakedness or how husky his groans are, focusing on the task at hand instead.     
    
“Come on, Yeol. It’s noon.” Baekhyun shakes him harder this time. Chanyeol manages to sit himself up, running a hand through his tousled hair.    
    
It takes a few moments and lots of blinking, but Chanyeol’s eyes finally settle upon Baekhyun who’s peering at him uncertainly.    
    
“Holy shit,” Chanyeol mutters, eyes widening in realisation.    
    
“I’m guessing you remember all that happened last night?” Baekhyun asks almost regretfully.    
    
“I was drunk, not amnesiac,” Chanyeol retorts, shifting slightly under the covers only to note that he wasn’t wearing anything underneath. He groans as he moves off the bed to pick up his underwear that had been thrown across the floor in a moment of heated passion.     
    
“Jesus,” Chanyeol mutters again. His eyes had closed as he stood in the middle of the room, massaging the bridge of his nose. Baekhyun doesn’t know what he means by the tone he’s using, but it surely didn’t sound good.     
    
“Can we talk about what happened?” Baekhyun asks in a small voice, teeth worrying his lower lip. Chanyeol looks at him intently with an unreadable expression. It makes Baekhyun feel sick with dread. He’s starting to think it shouldn’t have happened.     
    
How could he have misinterpreted Chanyeol’s advances towards him?     
    
Chanyeol decidedly nods, taking small steps towards the boy. He falls onto the bed as his knees buckle under the weight of the situation. He looks at Baekhyun with furrowed brows.    
    
“Are you okay?” The question takes Baekhyun by surprise, but it also makes him a little giddy at Chanyeol’s concern.     
    
Baekhyun nods. “A little sore,” he admits in embarrassment and resists the urge to hide his face in his hands as he blushes furiously. “But I’m alright.”    
    
Chanyeol manages to quirk his lips into a tiny smile at this.    
    
“Chanyeol, last night was…” Baekhyun begins after a pause, not really knowing where he was going with this. He could only hold his breath and hope for the best. What’s done is done. He knows it was inevitable that he’d let his feelings known to Chanyeol.    
    
“--a mistake,” Chanyeol’s deep baritone cuts him off. “I’m sorry, Baek, I really am.” He shakes his head apologetically. “It wasn’t a smart move. We should have never gotten carried away.”    
    
With every word Chanyeol speaks, Baekhyun feels his world crumble around him.     
    
_It had been a mistake._     
    
“It’s not the right time; we’re graduating soon and with finals coming up, I think we’ve both got so much on our plate right now. I don’t think we’re in the right mind to think about us.”    
    
“And besides,” Chanyeol continues as if he isn’t breaking Baekhyun’s heart, “I… I don’t want to ruin what we have now.”    
    
Baekhyun swallows hard, willing for himself to keep his composure and not let his disappointment show.    
    
“Yeah,” he chuckles, voice a little pitchy, “You’re right. That’s _exactly_ what I was going to say. You really do have a tendency to read minds, Yeol.”    
    
The guilt on Chanyeol’s face melts away to make way for that of utter relief.     
    
“You’re so easy to read sometimes,” Chanyeol jokes, looking more like himself.     
    
“I’m  _so_  glad you understand, Baek,” Chanyeol says seriously. He stands up and reaches a hand out.    
    
“Come on, why don’t you shower? Then we can go get some breakfast.”    
    
Despite himself, Baekhyun takes Chanyeol’s hand.    
    
“ _Brunch_ ,” Baekhyun corrects with a smile that’s so wide that it hurts his cheeks, “And you’re treating me.”  (Not sure if Baek is faking being happy here or not. A little restructuring of the sentence would help clarify that.)  
    
\--   
    
"Baekhyun, open up!"     
     
Waking up used to be his favourite part of the day. No matter how bad things got, Baekhyun believed in a new beginning for every tomorrow. Unfortunately, weeks of retching and headaches and sleepless nights over the possibility of having to tell the baby daddy about their -- or, terrifyingly, his -- predicament had completely changed that. He finds himself stuck in the same nightmare, and he fears that there isn't a chance for him to wake up from it at all. He has no choice but to face the consequences. But if by trying his best to evolve into a burrito with the help of his blanket would put off the reality of a baby growing inside him, by all means he will do it for the remaining of the eight or so months he would have to endure.     
     
There's a click of the door and a frazzled looking Chinese boy stumbles into the room. A lanky, blonde boy trails behind him, eyes scanning the room with that nonchalant expression he always has on. The stench is foul, and they both simultaneously (Baekhyun thinks they’ve been spending a little too much time together that they’re starting to morph into the same person) wrinkle their nose at the first whiff. It's an arduous journey, crossing the small room as the Chinese trips over bags of half-eaten chips and dirty articles of clothing strewn all over the floor, but he makes it without any major hitch.    
    
“Babe, you deal with this, and I’ll go grab us lunch, okay?” Baekhyun hears the familiar lazy drawl.    
    
“ _Sehun_ ,” the Chinese boy whines. “He’s _your_ brother.”    
    
“You know I’m not good with comforting emotionally unstable people.”    
    
“He’s not emotionally unstable; he’s just going through some tough times.”    
    
“Knowing Baek hyung I’m very certain that this isn’t just a ‘tough time.’ It looks like he’s going through an existential crisis,” Sehun notes apathetically.     
    
“Guys, I’m right here,” Baekhyun says disdainfully. “Have some respect for your elders.”    
    
“I’m going now, Tao,” Sehun says with a tone that leaves no room for argument. Tao merely sighs. “Feel better, Baek hyung,” he calls just as he leaves with a click of the door. If it were any other day, Baekhyun would have kicked the younger boy’s butt. But he’s feeling a little under the weather – a lot, actually – and he doesn’t even have it in him to feel mad about his brother’s lack of compassion.    
     
"Did something  _die_  in here?" Tao asks condescendingly in that thick accent of his as soon as they’re alone. The blinds are drawn, and a gush of sunlight bathes the room in a bright, happy hue, but Baekhyun is quick to duck under the covers.     
     
"Leave me alone, Tao," Baekhyun attempts to bark, but all that comes out is a hoarse growl from the lack of water and days of sleep.     
     
"I will when you tell me what you're going to do with a baby.” Tao’s voice is quiet but it still rings clear in the room.    
     
Baekhyun jolts upright at this. "How did you-- when did I-I," he splutters. Tao's standing there with his arms crossed and a grave look on his face. This can't be good, Baekhyun thinks.     
     
"It's everywhere, Baek. You haven't read Jongdae's gossip column in the school's magazine, have you?" Tao narrows his eyes at him.     
     
Baekhyun blanches. "It's everywhere," he repeats weakly.    
     
This could only mean that everyone on campus knows. His lecturers know, those stuck-up jerkfaces in his Saturday study group know, for god's sake, those in the Bible group he attends every once in a blue moon know, and Chanyeol -- Chanyeol knows.     
     
"Sike!" Tao shrieks right before Baekhyun could go into a full-blown panic attack. The Chinese boy doesn't even pause to regret his actions as he goes to revel in the glory as if it was the funniest thing he'd ever done. On the bed, Baekhyun proceeds to silently seethe at the not-so-funny joke when just moments ago he was about to faint from the sudden news. This wasn't amusing in the slightest. There is a baby inside him that was half him, half Park Chanyeol, and there is still the possibility of one of its fathers rejecting it.     
    
After all, hadn’t Chanyeol made it clear that he wanted nothing more from him than their friendship of three years?  
    
And how can Baekhyun be so sure that Chanyeol would stay for him and the baby when all his life he’s never stayed in one place for too long?    
     
\--  

_"How do you do that?"  
     
"Do what?"    
     
"Just up and leave.”    
    
Chanyeol hummed. “But you forgot about the fact that I’m constantly moving. Sometimes I wished my parents didn’t have to fly places so often. Maybe then I would have settled somewhere long enough to make friends and actually keep them.”    
    
“Don't you miss it?" Baekhyun wondered after a lull of silence. “Don’t you miss Beijing? Or Dusseldorf? L.A?”    
     
Chanyeol shook his head with a slight chuckle. "Not really."    
     
"Why's that?" Baekhyun's ears perked in curiosity.    
     
"This has nothing to do with language, since I can speak the language of places I’ve been to. None of them had felt much like a home." Chanyeol shrugged. To Baekhyun's surprise, Chanyeol lifted his gaze to look into his eyes, a gentle smile playing on his lips.    
     
"Who knows? Maybe I'll find one here."    
     
Baekhyun glanced away to hide the blush behind his ears but couldn't help a small smile of his own._  
    
\--  

"Well, at least you still have nine months to figure things out" is the first thing Tao says to break the thoughtful silence between them. Baekhyun groans. He knows Tao is just trying to make him feel better about the situation at hand, but he also knows that time isn't the issue here. It's how he's going to break it to the baby daddy -- or if he's even going to do it at all.    
     
"Should I ask whose it is?" Tao peers uncertainly over his own mug of hot chocolate. For all the three years he's known the college boy, this has to be the most reckless thing Baekhyun has ever done. (Is the college boy here referring to Tao or to Yeol? A bit confused with the context.)   
     
"You wouldn't believe me," Baekhyun mutters into the comforter. "I don't believe me," he adds as an afterthought.    
     
The events that had spiraled into the ball of a mess of morning sickness, utter exhaustion and conflicting thoughts is something Baekhyun wishes to forget. How the fuck did it happen? He knows how -- he flushes at the thought -- but, why the hell did he allow for it to happen? The tiny, infuriating voice in his head whispers you know why and Baekhyun would very much like to squash the little pest.    
     
The warmth of a hand against his cheek makes him realise just how lonely he's been for the past few days, cooped up in his dorm to deal with the situation all alone. He leans into the touch.    
     
But then a worrying thought startles Baekhyun into a sitting position as he pulls away from the Chinese boy. "You're the only one who knows, right?" he asks for a confirmation. The pursing of lips and slight nod makes him sigh in relief.    
     
"I kinda had a hunch when you skipped the Macroecons quiz."    
     
"That was this week!?" Baekhyun cries.   
     
Tao gives a sympathetic nod. “You’ve been weird ever since that night you turned up at my door at 2 in the morning crying like it was the end of the world…”    
     
It was… _is_ , Baekhyun can’t help but think.    
     
“…It doesn’t take a genius to know that your highly uncharacteristic behaviour these past few weeks is attributed to your drunken escapade That Night.”    
     
“Seriously though, how did you know I’m…” He can’t say it. At this point of time, it still feels like a taboo to say it aloud. Baekhyun knows he’s being ridiculous, but if there’s a miraculous chance that it won’t become a reality as long as he doesn’t say the word, then that’s exactly what he’s going to do.    
     
“Your drunken text to me last night,” Tao says simply before shoving his phone into the Korean boy’s face.    
    
     
TaoXI IM Pr3GNANT WAT DO I D0   
    
     
Baekhyun flushes at the taboo word at the same time he cringes at how embarrassing he is even if it’s in a text message. With quick reflexes, he reaches for the device and hurriedly deletes the text.    
     
Baekhyun looks back at Tao who stares at him with nonchalance. Sometimes Baekhyun hates it that he’s friends with a Psychology major. More often than not he can’t tell what the Chinese boy is thinking.    
     
It’s a good minute of judgmental silence later when Tao finally speaks his mind, his words resounding with veracity.    
     
“Deleting a text message isn’t going to change things, Baekhyun-ge.”    
     
\--     
    
Baekhyun's never the kind to lose his shit, and it's been a week since his talk with Tao and his life is literally in shambles. His professors are hunting him down for assignments he feels too exhausted and nauseated to ever complete, college has sent him a formal warning for playing truant, and he still has yet to decide on the best way to break the news to the father of his baby.    
     
But this morning in the shower he'd been slapped by reality, his hands running over the plane of his abdomen which had turned hard in a matter of days.     
     
He's having this baby. There's no question about it. He's beyond terrified of the uncertainty of his future -- of  _their_  future -- but he realises that what's even more terrifying is the chance of Chanyeol denying the baby in him.    
    
And if he does… Baekhyun isn’t sure how he would do raise their child alone.    
     
\--    
    
“Wow, I’m going to be an uncle, eh?” Sehun casually says as a greeting while he plops himself down at Baekhyun’s table with his lunch tray. Baekhyun chokes on his drink, and Tao has to thump him on his back.     
    
“Keep it down,” Tao hisses at the blonde who shoots him an offended look.     
    
“How does _he_ know?” Baekhyun’s pointing a finger at Sehun, but Tao’s on the receiving end of his accusatory glare.    
    
“Why can’t I know?” Sehun pouts. “ _I’m_ your brother, not him,” he says childishly as he pops a fry into his mouth.    
    
“Why and how are you dating this child?” Baekhyun rolls his eyes, ignoring Sehun’s protests that only serves as proof. “Some brother you are, leaving your boyfriend to comfort me instead while you indulge yourself in food.”    
    
Tao seems to take his side on this, nodding his head slightly and giving Sehun a dirty look.    
    
“Besides, there’s no point in telling you,” Baekhyun says plainly. “You’ll be of no help whatsoever.”    
    
“Yes I would,” Sehun retorts. “I’d help pick a name. And be his godfather.”    
    
Baekhyun pulls a face at his brother’s stupidity, but Tao is laughing fondly beside him.     
    
“You can’t be his godfather if you’re already his uncle, silly,” Tao points out affectionately, intuitively reaching over to slap his boyfriend on the arm. Sehun beams proudly at having made Tao laugh. Baekhyun thinks his brother is dumb sometimes but he never doubts the boy’s love for his friend.  (I'm not sure if this is out of topic, but I think you can still be a godfather even though you're the uncle^^)  
    
“You’re keeping the baby, aren’t you?” Sehun suddenly asks in all seriousness. Baekhyun’s slightly thrown off guard, and it takes him awhile to comprehend the question because it’s rare to see an emotion from Sehun. Beside him, Tao is rubbing his arm comfortingly.    
    
“Of course,” Baekhyun replies quietly, lowering his eyes to stare at his mashed potato instead.    
    
“Baek _hyun_ ,” Sehun says sternly, not quite believing his brother’s words. Baekhyun always feels like the younger of them both when Sehun doesn’t call him hyung. It wasn’t like he’d be offended, though. He’s kind of cool about it. In fact, it only reassures him that his brother cares because Sehun’s babying him – looking out for him for a change.    
    
“I am, okay?” To his horror, Baekhyun feels something cold on his cheek and he raises a hand to wipe at it, only to realise that it was his tears. He was crying. He rarely ever cried – he prides himself for being able to control his emotions. But these days, it feels like it’s all he ever does.    
    
“I was just making sure,” Sehun says softly. Baekhyun lifts his head to look at his brother in the eyes.    
    
“Well, I’m keeping the baby,” Baekhyun reiterates fiercely, partly embarrassed that he’s openly crying in front of an audience even if it were only people who were close to him. Fortunately, the cafeteria’s as crowded as ever and nobody noticed his tears apart from the two at his table.    
    
“And I don’t care what mum and dad say,” Baekhyun continues, ineffectually wiping at his rapidly falling tears, “I can do this. I can get my degree and have my baby. I can raise it on my own, I don’t need Chanyeol.”    
    
There’s a loud gasp and it takes Baekhyun a moment to realise what he’d let slip. He looks to Tao who has a hand over his mouth, blinking at him in disbelief. When he turns to Sehun, there’s a slight frown that’s settled between his eyebrows but he returns the gaze with a knowing look.    
    
“You slept with Chanyeol,” Tao states the obvious as his hand falls away.    
    
“Yes,” Baekhyun says meekly. Sehun’s composure is back and he calmly finishes up the last of his food.    
    
“Does he know?” Sehun questions, almost parentally. Baekhyun shakes his head, unable to reply with words.    
    
“Are you going to tell him?” Tao wonders.    
    
“I don’t know…” He remembers what Chanyeol had called it the morning after. _A mistake_. “I haven’t decided yet.”    
    
“What’s there to think about?” Tao asks almost angrily. “He should know! It’s his baby. He has to take responsibility!”    
    
“It’s not that simple, Tao,” Baekhyun says wearily, playing with his hands in his lap. The tears had stopped, but he feels a sense of emptiness in his chest. “We’re graduating this year and… we might not even see each other after this. We’re all going to go our separate ways - that’s what always happens.” He sighs. “I don’t want to hope. I don’t want to set myself up for heartbreak.”    
    
Tao opens his mouth, ready to convince Baekhyun otherwise, but Sehun beats him to it.    
    
“It’s your call, hyung,” he says. “Whatever it is, Tao and I will be here for you.”    
    
\--    
    
Baekhyun doesn’t see the father of his baby again until a month before finals. It’s been a whole month since That Night and two weeks since he found out about the baby that’s growing in him. Baekhyun has been rather sick, having to deal with the morning sickness and fatigue that had persisted, but he knew he would never forgive himself if he gave up even before he’d tried. He’s going to give it his best shot and prove to anyone who might oppose of his decision to study and raise a baby at the same time that it was a possible feat.    
    
All morning, Baekhyun had felt a little odd. Of course, he’d spent a good fifteen minutes by the toilet (a good improvement from an hour) as a morning ritual and had gone to school despite having no classes on that day just so he could go to the library to use the resources.     
    
Once he’s in the library, he searches for an empty table and finally finds one in a corner near the window.     
    
_It’s fate_ , Baekhyun thinks when he looks up an hour into his stay at the library to see an achingly familiar tall boy walking towards him with purpose. Or maybe it’s just bad karma. He has sort of made it clear that he didn’t want to see Chanyeol, if his continuous rejection of the younger boy’s calls and text messages and visits were anything to go by.    
    
“Byun Baekhyun.” He pretends to be engrossed in a problem. He should have had his earphones in, dammit. Or better yet, he should have packed his things and made a beeline for the exit. He’s already been avoiding Chanyeol for weeks now – might as well go all the way.    
    
“Hey, Baek,” Chanyeol tries again. It’s hard to concentrate when there’s someone extremely tall hovering over you, Baekhyun nervously notes. Especially if that person is someone you’ve made a baby with.    
    
“Byun Baekhyun.” This time, his voice is so loud that it earns annoyed curses from the patrons around them. Baekhyun drops the act and begrudgingly looks up.    
    
“Oh,” he chuckles awkwardly. “Hi.”    
    
It’s nice to see that Chanyeol’s not doing any better than he is. His eye bags are dark and his eyes sunken, his hair is a hot mess, and it’s obvious that his shirt has been haphazardly put on, judging by the upturned collar on one side.    
    
“I’ve been looking for you everywhere. Last week I saw you leave Professor Chul’s office, and I called you but you just ran away,” Chanyeol begins accusatorily, voice low but still deep.    
    
“Didn’t hear you calling me.” Baekhyun shrugs.    
    
“You always complain that I’m too loud,” Chanyeol counters.    
    
“Well, I couldn’t see you,” Baekhyun tries again.    
    
“My hair is red, and I’m six feet tall. I’m pretty sure I stand out in a sea of dark hair, let alone in a virtually empty hallway.”    
    
“And, I trip over air and walk into walls,” he adds as an afterthought. It’s something Baekhyun had often teased him for.    
    
“What’s your fucking point, Chanyeol?” Baekhyun grouses in defeat.    
    
“My point is,” Chanyeol pulls out a chair and slides into it, eyes never leaving Baekhyun. “You’ve been avoiding me. And I want to know why.”    
    
Squaring his shoulders and inhaling a breath of confidence, Baekhyun looks up with determination in his eyes, “I’m not. Get over yourself.”    
    
Chanyeol frowns, seemingly unsatisfied with the reply.    
    
“You’ve been rejecting my calls, and you haven’t replied to any of my messages either.” Chanyeol points to the device that sits on the table. “Don’t tell me you lost your phone.”    
    
Baekhyun scowls. “I haven’t been avoiding you. I just needed some space. Like you said, finals are coming, and I’ve got lots to catch up on.”    
    
“Catch up on?” Chanyeol parrots in confusion. “Have you been skipping revision classes?” Ah, he’d let it slip.    
    
“No,” Baekhyun lies. “There’s just so much to do.  _Like you said_ ,” he stresses, turning the tables on him.    
    
Chanyeol gazes thoughtfully at the other and for a moment, Baekhyun can almost sense that he knows that there’s more to this than he’s letting on. To Baekhyun’s relief, he nods in understanding.     
    
“You don’t have to shut me out,” Chanyeol says quietly. Baekhyun can hear the hint of hurt in his tone, but he doesn’t mention anything about it. He can’t let Chanyeol know anything; at least not until he has things sorted out.    
    
“Can we at least study together?”    
    
“Space, Yeol. That’s what we need,” Baekhyun says firmly. _That’s what he needs._     
    
“Okay,” Chanyeol relents, looking very much like a kicked puppy. It takes Baekhyun everything in his willpower not to go back on his decision as he watches Chanyeol walk away.    
    
\--    
    
“Any progress with Chan Dumb Yeol?”    
    
They’re lounging on the sofa with a movie playing on the tv (TV or television here?) to unwind. Tao had suggested going for some drinks, but Baekhyun had reminded him with a grimace about the child growing inside him and that idea had been thrown out the window. That left something relaxing and safe to do, and Sehun had suggested the conventional.    
    
Baekhyun shook his head miserably, shoving another buttered pickle into his mouth.     
    
“I’m a mess,” Baekhyun cries.     
    
“Anyone can tell,” Sehun says unhelpfully, earning himself a smack on the head from Tao.     
    
“It’s tough love,” Sehun whines, rubbing the spot where Tao had hit him. “I’m motivating him to do something about how pathetic he’s become.”    
    
“He’s not pathetic,” Tao admonishes. “He’s pregnant, and it’s normal for him to be emotional. He needs a proper support system, and you’re not helping one bit, you ass.”    
    
“Well,” Sehun grumbles. “At least it’s good practise for when we have a kid.”    
    
“Are you calling me a kid?” Baekhyun shrieks unnecessarily at the same time Tao goes, “ _You’re_ carrying the baby if we have one.”    
    
“Why did I agree to this date?” Sehun laments. He gives his brother a pointed look. “You’re the worst third wheeler in the history of third wheelers.”    
    
“Leave me alone,” Baekhyun moans. “I’m pregnant. How dare you bully one with child? Mother shall know about this.”    
    
“You’re being weird,” Sehun comments. “We don’t even call our mum Mother.” He earns himself another slap from his boyfriend. Tao had given him a good lecture when he was told of Baekhyun’s pregnancy, something about his brother being overly sensitive and that even the smallest insult could set him off. Sehun hadn’t understood what his boyfriend had meant till now. Baekhyun had always been a bit of a sarcastic little shit (not that Sehun would ever say it to his face), but he’s been nothing but a bitch these days. Tao says it’ll pass. Sehun could only hope so. Date nights have been compromised, dedicated solely to attending to Baekhyun’s every need and whim. It honestly feels as though both he and Tao were in a polygamous relationship with Baekhyun.    
    
“Speaking of Mother,” Sehun says, reaching into his pocket to retrieve his phone. “Mum called a few days ago. She’s asked if we’ll be back for the holidays.”    
    
“Only if dad stops whoring with his secretary and apologizes to mum.” Tao quietly slips into the kitchen at this, feeling as if he’s intruding on a delicate and personal subject. He knows of everything, of course. He’s been dating Sehun long enough to know the boy’s background, including the shithole him and his brother had grown up in. Still, he feels like the brothers needed some time to themselves.    
    
“For what? So we could play family?” Sehun says bitterly.    
    
“So his kids don’t forget who their father is,” Baekhyun spits, taking a bite out of his pickle angrily. They fall into a lapse of silence before Sehun purses his lips in realisation.    
    
“Baek…” Sehun begins, taking Baekhyun’s hand in his own. “Your baby’s going to have both fathers,” he reassures.    
    
The fight in Baekhyun drains away, and he slumps against Sehun wearily.     
    
“What do I tell him?” Baekhyun whispers fearfully.     
    
“The truth,” Sehun says confidently.    
    
“And what if he doesn’t want us?”    
    
“Then I’ll fuck him up,” Sehun promises, making Baekhyun smile, even if it was a tiny one. “And then you move on.”    
    
Tao returns just in time with a bag of crisps in his hand. “What did I miss?” he asks in amusement at the rare sight of the Byun brothers within close proximity of each other.    
    
“Aww, how cute,” Tao coos. “You’re even holding each other’s hand.”    
    
Tao makes a little noise of triumph and then hurries to his bag, rummaging through his things. “Where’s my phone…” he mumbles to himself.    
    
“What are you doing?” Tao is already holding his phone up in a horizontal manner.    
    
“Taking a picture, duh. This is for memories’ sake.” The brothers jump away from each other.    
    
“Don’t push it, sweetheart,” Sehun says. Baekhyun is already starting on the bag of chips, having finished his jar of pickles.     
    
“Eww,” Baekhyun gags, spitting the chewed contents onto the ground. “It tastes like cardboard.”    
    
“But you love these. It’s BBQ flavoured.”    
    
“I’m hungry,” Baekhyun pouts, ignoring Sehun's blatant comment. “I want some samgyeopsal.”     
    
Before Sehun could protest, Tao had already latched his hand onto Sehun’s arm, steering him towards the door.    
    
“We’ll get it for you.”    
    
Baekhyun slides down on the couch, using the armrest as a head pillow. He puts on the cutest voice he could muster, “I don’t want mine with pork it in. And tell them to forgo the chilli—”    
    
“Then what’s the point in getting samgyeopsal—“    
    
“Just get it, you brat!”    
    
“God, you’re neurotic.”    
    
“Pregnant,” Baekhyun calls out before Sehun closes the door behind him.    
    
\--    
    
Baekhyun knows he’s the world’s biggest procrastinator when he approaches the seventh (if he counted correctly) week of his pregnancy, and he had yet to tell Chanyeol of the news. Chanyeol has been keeping his word in leaving him alone, giving him the space he’d requested. But if Baekhyun says he didn’t miss Chanyeol’s presence, he’d be lying. Because the moment Baekhyun had started to distance himself from the boy, there was a gaping hole in his heart, and it had only seemed to grow with every passing day that Chanyeol’s not there cracking silly jokes and making him smile.    
    
But that morning, he’d found the opening he’d needed. He was on his way to the library when he bumped into Chanyeol’s cousin, _Kim Jongdae_.    
    
“Hey, stranger!” Jongdae greets, as boisterous as ever. “Haven’t seen you in forever!”    
    
Baekhyun startles at the loudness of the voice but then halts in his tracks, a slow smile spreading across his face.     
    
“I could say the same for you.” Baekhyun grins. “Your revision going alright?”    
    
“If drinking five cans of Redbull a day and seeing equations in everything is normal, then, yeah, I guess you could say I’ve got it all covered,” Jongdae jokes. It’s only then that he notices the dark circles under the boy’s eyes and the pile of books tucked under his arm. Of course; it’s college. They’re all in this together.    
    
“Tell me about it,” Baekhyun chimes. “Hey, can I ask you something?”    
    
“If it’s unrelated to Math then you know I’m not the guy.”    
    
“It’s not, but trust me, you are.” Baekhyun shifts his books from one arm to the other, eyes fidgety. “It’s about Chanyeol.”    
    
A weird expression flickers across Jongdae’s face and his smile dims just slightly for a fraction of a second.    
    
“What about him?” Jongdae asks kindly.    
    
“I was just wondering, what his family’s like?” Baekhyun asks shyly.    
    
Jongdae’s smile is warm, no judgement in his eyes. “Come on, let’s grab coffee. I’ll tell you everything you need to know.”   
    
Jongdae brings him to the café at the Student’s Union and before long, Baekhyun’s leaning over his mug of caramel macchiato listening intently and with great amusement as Jongdae relays all the embarrassing moments Chanyeol’s had in the past twenty-two years of his life.    
    
“And his parents never said anything about it?” Baekhyun asks in disbelief. He couldn’t even talk about sex with his parents and Chanyeol’s had walked in on him getting it on with a fling.    
    
“No,” Jongdae laughs with a shake of his head. “They’re quite open about it so they just reminded him to use protection.”    
    
Baekhyun flushes. Too late for that now, he thinks to himself.     
    
“But anyways. Where were we?” Jongdae scrunches his nose in thought before clapping his hands together. “Right! Chanyeol’s family.”    
    
“His life’s perfect. Only child, parents are rich. He’s been to more places than most of us probably ever will in our lives. Nothing you haven’t already known,” Jongdae says with a dismissive wave. He frowns lightly in thought.    
    
“Though, he _has_ mentioned a couple of times that he’d rather settle down somewhere for good. Travelling’s cool, but he wants somewhere he could call home.”    
    
Baekhyun hums in knowing, raising the mug to his lips.     
    
_"Who knows? Maybe I'll find one here."_     
    
\--    
    
It takes a great deal of courage for Baekhyun to put aside his pride and be the one to appear at Chanyeol's doorstep after he’d been the one to push the latter away.    
    
Chanyeol is in a black muscle tank and sweatpants that’s riding low on his waist, hair thoroughly mussed and expression a daze. It’s obvious he’s been sleeping before the interruption. But his face morphs into one of realisation when he takes in the image before him, and then his lips are pulling into a lopsided grin.    
    
“Hi,” Baekhyun greets rather bashfully. Chanyeol doesn’t say anything. Instead, he gazes intensely at the shorter boy who blushes under the scrutiny.    
    
“You better let me in before the ice cream melts,” Baekhyun snaps though there’s no real bite to his words. He waves the tub in front of Chanyeol’s face in an inviting manner. Chanyeol steps aside and Baekhyun waltzes in, making a beeline for the couch and then proceeding to make himself at home as if those weeks of avoidance never existed at all.    
    
Chanyeol returns with two spoons, handing one over to Baekhyun who digs in without hesitation. They indulge in silence, and Baekhyun’s glad that it isn’t uncomfortable. It feels exactly like all the years they’d been friends, like they haven’t had a break in between.    
    
In fact it feels so normal that Baekhyun almost forgets that he’s pregnant with Chanyeol’s baby and that the reason he’s here is because he wants to fix that gaping hole in his heart, the one that’s been steadily growing ever since his agreement with Chanyeol to stay out of each other’s way.    
    
He puts the tub on the table and looks to Chanyeol who’s done the same with his spoon.    
    
“I miss you,” the words come out before he could stop them. Chanyeol’s eyes are kind, and it has that longing look in them, like he’s feeling the same way Baekhyun is.    
    
“Things don’t have to be complicated, right?” Baekhyun whispers, overwhelmed with a sudden nervousness that hadn't been there when he'd first arrived, heart beating loudly in his ears, “It could be easy. You and me. Dinner at the Noodle Shack. Study dates in the library. Running home in the rain.”    
    
Chanyeol gazes at him in comprehension. Yet, Baekhyun can’t tell what he’s thinking. Does he still feel the same way he had weeks ago? What if this was another huge mistake and Chanyeol doesn’t want that anymore?     
    
“Best friends can kiss, right?” Chanyeol supplies before Baekhyun could let his thoughts consume him, and it’s obvious Chanyeol is nervous and uncertain what Baekhyun’s reaction would be by the way he’s holding his breath.  “I mean, just, maybe, we could do a bit of kissing sometimes?”    
   
“We could,” Baekhyun says with relief, pushing up to his knees to capture Chanyeol’s lips in a sweet and brief kiss. He pulls back with a small, shy grin.  “That’s okay, right?”    
    
“That’s perfect,” Chanyeol whispers.    
    
“Perfect’s amazing,” Baekhyun agrees.     
    
“No complications,” he says again. “We don’t even have to put a label on  _us_.”    
    
“We don’t,” Chanyeol hums, wrapping his arms around Baekhyun. “In fact, just _us_ is fine. Just you and me.”    
    
Baekhyun smiles against the fabric of Chanyeol’s shirt.   
    
\--  

“Why are you talking to the computer?” 

Chanyeol chuckles at the innocent question, turning in his seat slightly to look at his _best friend_ who is sprawled across his bed, drowning in a sea of papers. Baekhyun takes offense, nose scrunching up in distaste as he moves to sit cross-legged. 

The past few days had been amazing. It was good to have Chanyeol back on his side, because in all the insanity that's been going on, with his pregnancy woes and all the mugging for finals, Chanyeol seemed to be the only person who had kept him grounded to reality. Nothing's changed, really. Chanyeol still gave him the best hugs when things weren't going right with his revision, or when Sehun would rage about their father's latest fuck up, and when his mother had called only to break down over the phone yet again. When Baekhyun is so busy trying to be there for everyone else, Chanyeol's there to let him know that he's never alone, just like he always had since the first time they'd met back in their first year when the auburn haired transfer student then had found him having an emotional meltdown over the news of his parent's divorce. 

Baekhyun wouldn't have it any other way. But if Baekhyun said he didn't enjoy the little kisses and intimate conversations they'd share in between study breaks he'd be lying. 

“I’m skyping,” Chanyeol explains as he moves a little to his right. Baekhyun catches a glimpse of a blurry image of a couple. Squinting his eyes, Baekhyun realises that the man on the screen is the spitting image of the handsome boy sitting on the chair. The only difference is the greying hair and the rectangular glasses that is perched upon his long nose. With a horrified squeak, Baekhyun grabs a pillow and hides his face with it. 

_“Oh, you’re right, sweetheart! He’s a cute little thing,”_ Baekhyun hears a muffled voice coming from the speakers. The comment only makes Baekhyun even more embarrassed than he already is as he sinks his face further into the pillow. 

Chanyeol laughs boisterously this time, clutching at his chest and slapping the desk. 

“Chanyeol, I’m leaving,” Baekhyun says, trying to sound annoyed, but it ends up sounding rather sheepish. He scrambles to his feet, but a hand grabs his arm before he could leave. He finds himself being manhandled towards the laptop where the two people on the screen were seemingly peering at them. 

“Chanyeoooool,” Baekhyun whines, struggling futilely in the boy’s strong hold on him. 

“Baek, come on now, I want you to meet some very important people in my life.” 

Baekhyun relents at the seriousness in Chanyeol’s tone. He stands in front of the laptop and anxiously bows in greeting. 

“That’s my dad, and that pretty lady beside him is my mum,” Chanyeol introduces with a proud grin. 

“It’s nice to meet you, Mr. and Mrs. Park.” 

“It’s great to finally meet the boy our Chanyeollie can never stop talking about,” the woman says excitedly. Despite her business attire, black hair pulled back into a tight bun, there’s a motherly tone to her voice that reminds Baekhyun greatly of his own mother. 

In the background, there’s the faint sound of someone calling for the couple’s attention. 

“Ah, we have to rush off now,” Mrs. Park says regretfully as her husband looks over his shoulder behind them. 

“We’ll call you soon, Chanyeollie.” She throws a flying kiss to the screen, and Chanyeol grins back at her, arms above his head to form a huge heart. 

“And Baekhyun…” She gazes at him fondly. “Thanks for taking such good care of our son.” 

Baekhyun could only give a polite smile in return as a surge of warmth floods his heart. 

The screen turns black, and it takes Baekhyun a few seconds to be pulled back to reality by a strong presence behind him. 

“Why do you look so sad?” Chanyeol questions bluntly, though his voice is soft and full of concern. 

“I’m not sad,” Baekhyun reassures him. He reaches around him for Chanyeol’s arms, and the latter happily obliges. 

His baby bump can’t be felt through the layers of fabric, but Baekhyun still lets himself relish in the moment.

“I’m happy,” he says simply, lips pulling into a smile. “Really happy.” 

\--    
    
Tao is the first to notice it. He’s always had a keen eye and some impressively sharp intuition.     
    
Tao could always tell when Baekhyun’s upset, or when he’s hiding something. And he’d caught Baekhyun subtly grazing Chanyeol’s hand and briefly caressing the tall boy’s cheek enough times to know that something was going on. They seemed more in tune around each other and if Chanyeol being glued to Baekhyun’s side 24/7 isn’t an obvious sign, then he didn’t know what was.    
    
“You and Chanyeol are dating,” Tao declares one fine night as they’re having dinner. Tao, as usual, had once again managed to invite himself to Baekhyun’s dorm to cook what he deems to be a ‘healthy meal that’s fit for one with child.’ Baekhyun hadn’t been too encouraging of the idea because _‘I’m pregnant, not an invalid’_ but apparently take out isn’t something Tao approves of.     
    
Baekhyun shouldn’t be surprised anymore, really, because how often has Tao made such precise assumptions? Yet, it still surprises Baekhyun who feels the nervousness stir somewhere in the pit of his stomach.    
    
“Not exactly,” Baekhyun says slowly, careful in his choice of words. After all, it isn’t a total lie.   
    
“It’s either you are or you aren’t, Baekhyun. It’s like asking if you’re pregnant or not. There is no in-between,” Tao deadpans, clinking his chopsticks in front of the other’s face. Baekhyun cowers under Tao’s glare.    
    
“It’s not,” Baekhyun insists. “We just established the fact that we really like each other as more than just friends, but we’re not going to be anything else because, well, just because. Why am I even explaining this to you?”    
    
“So you’re friends who kiss?” Tao cocks a questioning brow.    
    
“Don’t put it that way,” Baekhyun resentfully says as he pushes his bowl of unfinished rice away.  Sure, Chanyeol had termed it so, but hearing it come from someone else made it sound like things between them weren’t legit. Because his feelings were as real as he could feel it.  
    
“Friends with benefits.”    
    
“That’s worse,” he laments. “We’re just Chanyeol and Baekhyun. Chanyeol and Baekhyun who like each other.” He resists the urge to add _who kiss_.    
    
“Boyfriends,”    
    
“Tao,” Baekhyun says warningly.    
    
“People who are going to have a baby together,” Tao says seriously. By the way Baekhyun’s wincing, Tao knows he has hit a nerve.    
    
“He doesn’t know,” Tao states in realisation, setting his bowl of rice down with a hollow thump.    
    
“You’ve got to stop doing that,” Baekhyun complaints.     
    
“I’ve been cramming a shitload of information regarding the human behaviour and mind for years now, Baekhyun,” Tao says as a matter-of-factly. “It is inevitable that I can always tell what one is thinking. Especially you. You’re the easiest to read of the lot.”    
    
“Well fuck you,” Baekhyun grumbles as he stands to wash his own bowl.  

"How have you even been hiding something this huge from him?" 

Baekhyun shrugs. "The morning sickness is gone and I don't look like I've changed much." 

" _And_ , he's a clueless idiot." Tao sighs dramatically. "You've got to tell him soon." 

"God, Tao, you're not my mother," Baekhyun grouses, sick and tired of hearing the same thing over and over again from the Chinese boy. "Stop telling me to do things."   
    
“I’m just looking out for you, Baekhyun,” Tao continues in that serious tone of his.    
    
“I can look out for myself.”    
    
“You _have_  to tell him,” Tao says cajolingly. “Do it, before it’s too late.”    
    
“Will it be considered too late if I tell him after I start showing?” Baekhyun jokes. Tao isn’t amused, judging by the frown on his face. The boy has some intense eyes.    
    
“Baekhyun.” His tone is one that shows that this isn’t a laughing matter.    
    
“Okay, okay,” Baekhyun concedes. “I have an appointment with the gynaecologist next week. I’ll let him know before then.”    
    
\--  

To: Chan Yeollie    
From: Baek Hyunnie    
15.10pm    
will u come with me somewhere?     
    
To: Baek Hyunnie    
From: Chan Yeollie    
15.13pm    
i’d go to the ends of the earth for you    
    
To: Chan Yeollie    
From: Baek Hyunnie    
15.16pm    
why r u quoting adele (^^;)    
    
To: Baek Hyunnie    
From: Chan Yeollie    
15.18pm    
to make u feel my love ( ˘ ³˘)     
    
To: Chan Yeollie    
From: Baek Hyunnie    
15.19pm    
stop it (/ω＼)    
    
To: Baek Hyunnie    
From: Chan Yeollie    
15.23pm    
（￣ー￣）what do you need me for?    
    
To: Chan Yeollie    
From: Baek Hyunnie    
15.26pm    
I’ve got something I need to tell you.    
    
To: Baek Hyunnie    
From: Chan Yeollie    
15.26pm    
Σ（ﾟдﾟlll）what is it? are u ok?    
    
To: Chan Yeollie    
From: Baek Hyunnie    
15.27pm    
Relax, it's nothing serious. 

_Just that you put a baby in me, Baekhyun laughs at the irony._

meet me at the Union after your class.  
    
\--    
    
“I can’t do this,” Baekhyun mutters to himself as he shifts his weight from one foot to another, eyes peeled for a certain six foot auburn-haired Romeo. Though he’d promised Tao he’d do it before his first appointment, Baekhyun can’t help but feel nervous. Enough for him to back out of this even before Chanyeol arrives.    
    
Unconsciously, his hand moves to caress the bump that had formed beneath his sweatshirt. It’s been there for a few weeks now, and he’s sort of gotten used to it. No longer does he freak out over the thought of something growing inside him.     
    
“What’s in that pretty little head of yours?” Hot breath tickles the back of his neck and a delicious shiver runs down his spine. He spins around at the same time an arm wraps itself around the frame of his waist.    
    
“Hi,” Baekhyun grins giddily just as Chanyeol leans in to kiss him softly on the lips. They pull away, but Chanyeol’s arm is still secured around him. It makes Baekhyun feel _happy_.    
    
“Hungry?”    
    
“Very.” Baekhyun pouts as Chanyeol chuckles, steering them towards the south canteen at the Medical building. They weave through the lunch crowd, arm in arm, as Baekhyun listens to Chanyeol recite all that he’s memorised of the van der Waal’s interactions. They talk about the weather, joking about Professor Han’s temperamental mood, and all the while, Baekhyun can’t keep his eyes off Chanyeol’s smile.    
    
“So what’s that thing you needed to tell me?” Chanyeol wonders in between mouthfuls of cold noodles. Baekhyun freezes at the question; he’d been so caught up in having such a pleasant time with Chanyeol that he had forgotten the purpose of meeting up with the latter. Tao tells him it’s the pregnancy brain. Last week he’d gotten lost on campus and then had no choice but to call the younger boy to come get him. Just the other day he’d left the tap running and had come home from revision class to find his sink flooded. Once, he found his Sociology notes in the fridge and ketchup bottle in his bag. God knows how many times the Chinese boy had had to pull the pregnant boy away from angry patrons for holding up the line at a store because he couldn’t remember the purpose of him being there for the life of him. The stress and lack of sleep from all those nights burning the midnight oil had piled up and worsened his condition.    
    
His hand drops to hold his bump again as he stares at Chanyeol who’s looking expectantly at him.     
    
“I-I…” Baekhyun stammers, mind drawing a complete blank. He takes a sip of his drink to calm his nerves before looking into Chanyeol’s sizeable brown eyes.    
    
“Have you ever thought about the future?” he begins.    
    
“You think too much, Baek,” Chanyeol teases softly.    
    
“I just, wanted to know what you thought. We’ve been at this for four years and suddenly we’re graduating in a month and I don’t know about you, but I’m scared shitless.”    
    
Baekhyun knows that part of him is referring to the fact that he’s going to have Chanyeol’s baby. A flicker of a smile passes across Chanyeol’s face, expression soft as he leans over the table.    
    
“I’ve been all around the world, Baekhyun, and when you’ve been everywhere, it really puts things into perspective. We’re still young, and there’s just so many things we could be.”    
    
“But what do you want to be, Yeol?”    
    
“What do _you_ want to be, Baekhyun?” Chanyeol angles his head with a tiny grin.    
    
_Close to you._ “I don’t really have any big dreams,” Baekhyun admits rather embarrassedly.     
    
“Well,” Chanyeol leans back into his seat, “You know what Eleanor Roosevelt said.  _‘The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.’_ ”    
    
“It doesn’t matter what they are, Baek. Dreams are dreams. As long as you’re happy and live with no regrets.” Chanyeol stands and holds a hand out to Baekhyun, putting an end to their conversation.    
    
Baekhyun slips his fingers into Chanyeol’s as they make their way to the courtyard. They’re quieter this time, but Baekhyun allows himself to be comforted by Chanyeol’s soft humming and the bustle of students around them.    
    
“So what is it, then? Your future?” Baekhyun tightens his hold on Chanyeol’s hand, as if he was afraid to let him go.     
    
“I’m taking it as it comes,” Chanyeol confesses. “I haven’t found the need to figure things out, you know?”    
    
The question Baekhyun’s been meaning to ask gets lodged in his chest, and he figures that it’s not the right time. Not when things are still so uncertain between them.    
    
Their books are spread out in front of them, but Chanyeol still manages to steal a kiss. Baekhyun wonders how long this would last.    
    
\--    
    
Baekhyun goes to his first appointment alone, but it’s not as pathetic as he thought it sounded.  
    
A cute three-year-old with big eyes and a pretty smile had held her hand against his little bump in the waiting room and said the words that made it all worthwhile,    
    
“You’re not alone, Mister.”    
    
\--    
    
It turns out that he didn’t have to wonder for long.     
    
Jongdae is in his Organisational Behaviour class, and he’d called him up to do some last minute revision before their written exam next week. Baekhyun had agreed; he had made a pact with Chanyeol about not seeing each other till the end of exams anyway. Something like a motivation to get through the week.    
    
He almost didn’t want to, though. His morning sickness was back, and it was back with a vengeance. All morning he’d sat on the floor of the bathroom by the toilet, notes in hand, so he could read them in the intervals between the horrible vomit fests. Twice he’d contemplated calling Chanyeol and confessing everything – that was, with the hopes that Chanyeol would hold his arms out and hold him till the dreadful period passes.    
    
But by lunch time he had felt okay enough to drag himself out of the dorm with at least three layers of clothing and a terrible face.     
    
“Any plans after graduation?” Jongdae asks, dropping his pencil and yawning widely as he stretches his arms above his head.    
    
“Not really,” Baekhyun replies, glad for the short breather after hours of grueling personality theories. “I’m going to visit my mum in Bucheon.”    
    
Baekhyun feels a blush creeping up on him but he says it anyway, “And, um, I haven’t told Chanyeol yet but I might ask him along.”    
    
“Oh,” Jongdae says looking weirdly at him. “When he comes back from the UK? I’m not sure when he’ll be back though, or _if_ he’ll come back.”    
    
“Huh?” Baekhyun frowns in confusion. He feels his stomach churn from the sudden news but he bites the inside of his cheek to keep it down or else Jongdae would have vomit all over his book.    
    
“He’s going back to the UK?” he asks in a small voice.    
    
“Oh…” Jongdae says awkwardly. “I thought… Didn’t Chanyeol tell you?”    
    
Baekhyun shakes his head slowly, not very sure he wants to know what Jongdae has to say.    
    
“Chanyeol’s going back to the UK after graduation. In fact, I helped him book his flight.”    
    
“Did he say why he’s leaving?” Baekhyun swallows hard.    
    
“I’m not sure, but he mentioned something about having nothing here that’s enough to make him stay.”    
    
Baekhyun can’t help it this time when he gets sick all over Jongdae’s notes.    
    
\--  

The Saturday before the exam week, Baekhyun finds himself lying on a patient chair, the skin on his stomach still tingling with the coolness of the gel that has been wiped away.    
     
Baekhyun watches the doctor with a certain degree of numbness. She congratulates him, tells him it’s a girl. He’s thirteen weeks along and is a little small – she looks like a little pea.     
     
Are there any plans on the name yet?  _No_ , Baekhyun replies with a polite smile despite the growing ache in his chest.    
     
It’s a short while later until she finally shuts the monitor and scribbles something onto paper.    
     
“Would you like two for each of you, or just one to share?” she asks. Her intentions are innocent, but it still makes Baekhyun’s eyes burn and the lump in his throat grow.    
     
“Um. Just one would be fine,” he manages.    
     
She smiles widely at him and goes to print the first picture Baekhyun would have of his daughter and Baekhyun’s half glad that his sadness isn’t written all over his face.    
     
But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel it.    
     
He can’t help it though. He wishes so badly for Chanyeol to be here right now. To hold his hand, to point at the screen with love in his eyes and a grin to match Baekhyun’s teary smile.    
     
But more than anything Baekhyun wants Chanyeol to look deeply into his eyes and tell him that everything will be alright because he has loved Baekhyun for all these years they’d known each other and that he can’t imagine leaving them behind.    
     
Baekhyun walks out of the doctor’s feeling so terribly deluded.    
\--    
    
**To: Baek Hyunnie  
From: Chan Yeollie    
6.23am    
Baekhyunnie~~~     
    
To: Baek Hyunnie    
From: Chan Yeollie    
6.25am    
ヽ(*´з｀*)ﾉ all the best!!!!! Fighting~~~~    
    
To: Chan Yeollie    
From: Baek Hyunnie    
7.14am    
Good luck to u 2 Chanyeol.**    
    
\--    
    
By the end of the exams, Baekhyun feels utterly relieved and weary but his heart remains heavy. His head spins from the exhaustion of the past year and all that’s been going on in his life for the past few weeks. In a fraction of a second, his vision starts to go black and the last thing he hears is Tao’s frantic voice calling out for him.    
    
  

    
    
When he awakes, the first thing he sees is Tao’s worried face peering down at him.    
    
“You look like shit.” Baekhyun groans as he pushes himself to sit up, hand moving to rub away the stiffness in his neck.    
    
“I feel like shit,” Baekhyun supplies listlessly as he slumps against the headboard. Tao gently cards his fingers through his bangs and then pats his cheek.     
    
Somewhere behind him, Baekhyun hears Sehun’s voice. “He’s awake, babe?”    
    
“Yeah he is.” Tao hands him a pill and a glass of water to go along with it, which he graciously accepts with an appreciative grunt.    
    
“Chanyeol doesn’t know I passed out, does he?” Baekhyun nervously asks once he’s swallowed the painkiller.    
    
“No,” Tao grimaces. He looks at Baekhyun with a stern look. “You haven’t told him, have you?”    
    
The question breaks the walls he’d been conscientiously building ever since he’d found out of Chanyeol’s plans to leave the country, and he feels his heart grow heavy. It’s not the kind of sadness that hits him all at once, but rather a constant wave of heartache that consumes him wholly. And the reality hits him harder than it has in months since this all began and before he knows it, he’s choking on his tears.    
    
“I can’t tell him,” he wheezes. Tao is caught off guard at the sudden outburst but weeks of having to deal with his friend’s mood swings had kind of prepared him for situations like this.    
    
“Why can’t you tell him?” Tao probes gently, moving to sit on the bed and taking the boy into his arms.    
    
“He doesn’t want me,” Baekhyun says through a sob. “He doesn’t think I’m worth enough to stay.”    
    
“He’s leaving?” Tao mutters in disbelief just as Sehun materializes beside the embracing pair. He stares at his brother in concern, and then looks questioningly to his boyfriend, But Tao is too busy comforting the pregnant boy.    
    
Baekhyun nods dejectedly. “What are you going to do now?” Tao can’t help but to ask the question that’s on everyone’s mind.    
    
Baekhyun looks up to Sehun, unable to conceal how broken he feels. “Can we leave today?”    
    
“I’ll call us a cab,” Sehun replies without missing a beat as he whips his phone out and leaves to make the call.    
    
\--  
    
Baekhyun is jittery when the cab pulls up in front of the house he’d grown up in. He hasn’t told his mother about the pregnancy, and now he’s showing up days before Thanksgiving with a rather noticeable swell in the middle. It’s not really that huge, especially if he wears something loose, but he definitely looks like he’d put on some weight in that area and his mother was sure to question him about the weight gain.    
    
Apparently, he didn’t have to break the news because the first thing she’d done when she opened the door and gave her sons a surprised once-over was to cry, “My god, Baekhyun, you’re pregnant?!”    
    
“Surprise,” Baekhyun says nervously, hands trembling. Sehun moves closer, his shoulder touching Baekhyun’s, and the latter garners comfort from the gesture.    
    
“Oh my, oh my,” Mrs. Byun fans herself with a hand. “I’m going to be a grandmother.”    
    
And then she flings herself forward before throwing her arms around him.    
    
“I’m so happy for you, baby,” she cries, teary-eyed.    
    
“You’re not mad?” Baekhyun blinks at her in confusion.    
    
“Confused, _really_ confused, but not mad,” she says. “At least you’re done with your degree,” she adds.    
    
She ushers them both inside after greeting her younger son with a hug. They settle down in the living room where Mrs. Byun pampers them with tea and her famous pecan cookies. Baekhyun is unusually quiet, still reeling from the aftermath of the discovery of Chanyeol's impending departure, so Sehun takes the opportunity to catch up with his mother first. Sehun talks about college but mostly about Tao, and there's that amazing sparkle in his eyes that only makes Baekhyun wish that Chanyeol would talk about him the same way.    
    
"How about you, Baekhyun? Have you gone to get yourself checked?" Baekhyun is pulled out of his reverie as he gives a small smile and a nod.    
    
"How was it?" she prompts.    
    
"It's a girl." His smile grows, sadness momentarily forgotten as he runs a hand over his tummy. "I have a picture of her in my wallet." He takes it out and hands it over to the both of them. Sehun tries to figure out where the baby is while their mother sidles closer to her pregnant son.    
     
"Will I get to meet her father?" Baekhyun stiffens at the seemingly harmless question. To think that he had been so close to inviting Chanyeol to meet his family. He shakes his head sadly.    
    
"He's leaving, and he won't be back anytime soon." Mrs. Byun's heart breaks at the sight of her son's misery, but she knows that he'll be able to get back up on his feet. Baekhyun has always been a little independent after all.   
    
“Having a child is a wonderful thing, Baekhyun,” Mrs. Byun says softly as she pats his cheek fondly. “I hope you don’t forget that.”  

\-- 

Baekhyun wonders how he had thought it would be a good idea to go back to the one place he'd spent all his childhood years trying to get out of. 

Sure, the compelling need to run away from his problems had blinded his rationality but now that he's here, he's overwhelmed by all the feelings of hurt and disappointment he'd experienced as a child. He had come with the hopes that seeing his mother after a long time of missing her would ease the uncertainty he feels in his heart, but he couldn't be any more wrong. 

Needless to say, Baekhyun is beyond miserable. He feels suffocated being around the pictures of the facade their family of four had put on for years. 

Sehun seems to be sharing the same sentiment because they'd been there for only two days now, but all he's done is to coop himself up in the room, talking for hours on end with Tao over the phone. Baekhyun would have never pegged his brother to be someone who likes to have long conversations -- being a man of few words -- but being with Tao makes him do things he would have never done in the past. 

With a monumental sigh, Baekhyun walks down the hallway, gazing at all the smiling pictures that were framed on the wall. 

"We were happy, weren't we?" Sehun creeps up behind him. 

"Mum looks the happiest, though," Baekhyun agrees sadly. He stares at the one of them that was taken during a family vacation to Gangnam-do. He remembers learning how to fish and counting the stars, mum and dad cuddling under the same blanket and bickering with Sehun about who gets to sleep in the middle. 

His hand is rubbing circles on the top of his slightly protruding belly, a habit he has recently developed. 

"What if she hates me for ruining her chances at a happy life?" Baekhyun wonders aloud, trembling with paramount fear of the uncertain future. "Her own father doesn't know about her." 

"She won't hate you," Sehun chides softly. "And you could still tell him about her. Jongdae says he doesn't leave till after the ceremony, right?" 

Baekhyun shakes his head in vehement protest. "All this time I've been nothing but a distraction for him. He's just been fooling around. It was never serious for him. I won’t tell him…He probably won’t even care." 

"I just...” Baekhyun sighs. “I thought I finally found a new home in him, you know?" 

\--

 

Graduation comes way too soon. 

Baekhyun had tried to weasel his way out of it but Sehun, Tao and his mother had all ganged up against him and so here he is, weaving through scores of graduates and their family.The courtyard has been decorated with the school's colours of red and navy blue, and in front stood a large stage where they had all just received their certificates. 

Baekhyun was kind of glad he came, though. Tao had brought along his Polaroid camera and the pictures they’d taken made for a good keepsake. At least his last day at college would be a good memory. 

Sehun had stalked off to find Tao afterwards and his mother had been called to work, leaving him alone in a sea of strikingly happy faces. With no direction in mind, he lets his feet take him to a quieter spot and seats himself on an empty patch of grass, pulling his knees up so he could hug them. From where he is, he can see the spot where he'd spent his lunch breaks and studying periods lying on the grass, laughing and joking with a certain tall boy with the handsome smile. One thought sparks another, and before he knows it, his mind is conjuring up images of a baby girl with elfish ears and big eyes, a cute button nose but a dimpled smile. Chanyeol's ears may be huge but Baekhyun had always had a bit of a soft spot for them. And Baekhyun hopes his daughter inherits the smile that could always brighten his days. It's exciting, the prospect of his daughter turning out to look more like Chanyeol than him, but at the same time it was terrifying to have something that would remind him of a past he would wish to forget. 

"Hey Byun Baek.” A deep baritone startles him and he looks up to see Chanyeol towering over him with an impish grin. 

Baekhyun's stare turns menacing as his eyes become hard. "Fuck off," he spits while he moves to stand on his feet. His harsh comment causes surprise to flicker across Chanyeol's face. Baekhyun doesn't wait for Chanyeol to get over his shock; he stalks away, no intention of staying for any kind of chit chat. 

"Hey, wait up," Chanyeol calls, chasing after him. Of course, Chanyeol's legs are awfully long and Baekhyun hasn't made it past a few steps before he's being whirled around by the arm. 

“Where’ve you been?” Chanyeol demands with a frown. “Did you change your number or something?”

“I went home,” Baekhyun says, shrugging his arm out of Chanyeol’s hold. “You should go…”

“I have to tell you something.” Chanyeol worries his lower lip, peering uncertainly at him. His big hands are fidgeting in front of him and Baekhyun can’t help but to roll his eyes in resentment.

“You’re leaving, I know,” Baekhyun snarls and Chanyeol startles at the revelation, “You—” He sighs, head hanging low as he shakes his head. 

“Whatever,” he mutters disappointedly and moves to walk away. 

“How did you know?” Chanyeol calls, breaking out of his stupor. 

“Jongdae told me,” Baekhyun laughs bitterly, not bothering to look behind as he continues his way down the pathway that led him away from the tall heartbreaker.

“Were you ever going to tell me?” Baekhyun shrieks madly, whirling around on his feet to face Chanyeol who stood dumbstruck a few feet away. His mood swings were back. For a moment, he feels a burst of anger from within him. But then it got so suffocating he ended up laughing so hard that tears began to leak from the corners of his eyes.

“I was,” Chanyeol begins.

“When!?” Baekhyun cuts him off. “When I go to your apartment and find that there’s no one living there anymore? When I ask your neighbour where you’ve gone and she says you’ve moved back to the UK?”

Chanyeol digs into his pocket for something and his hand pulls away with a piece of paper.

“I was going to ask you to come along,” Chanyeol says softly. “I was going to give you a ticket today and be like those heroes in the movies where I go, _‘Will you run away with me?’_.”

“Now I kind of get why it doesn’t happen in real life,” Chanyeol says sheepishly. The tips of his ears are turning red and his lips are doing that thing where they twitch from morbid embarrassment.

“Are you serious right now?” Baekhyun stares at him, appalled. “But Jongdae said—”

“Jongdae doesn’t know shit, Baekhyun,” Chanyeol deadpans, “But what _did_ he say?”

Baekhyun slumps his shoulders. “That you couldn’t find any reason to stay anymore,” he says quietly.

Chanyeol’s mouth falls open in realisation. “ _Ahh_.”

“My dad was in the hospital a few weeks before Finals. Had a bit of a problem with his heart.” Baekhyun doesn’t think he’s heard Chanyeol this quiet before.

“Is he okay?” Baekhyun asks in genuine concern. 

“Yeah, he’s fine.” Chanyeol waves it off with a small smile. “But then my mum told me that they decided to stay on in the UK. And they asked if I could come back, to help them out with the family business there. Take a bit of stress off my dad’s back.”

“I got my degree,” Chanyeol says slowly, trying to gauge the other’s reaction, “And I’m going to take over the business one day.”

“I have to start now.”

“You never told me any of this,” Baekhyun says scathingly.

“I never lied when I told you that I hadn’t figured things out. I never planned to succeed my father in the business, but life’s unexpected, you know? Things happened. It’s not exactly my dream, Baek, but someone has to do it. I’m an only child. I don’t want to disappoint my parents.”

Baekhyun lifts his chin defiantly. “So you’re really leaving.”

“I…” Chanyeol sighs.

“I get it.” Baekhyun’s face falls. He wants to be mad at Chanyeol. But he can’t. Chanyeol has a life elsewhere and Baekhyun is stupid to think he could have one here with him.

“Baek, wait, listen.” Somehow, Chanyeol had closed the distance between them and he was now within reach. Baekhyun wishes he could hold his hand out and keep him near but truth is that Chanyeol isn’t his to keep anymore. Not since he decided that whatever that they had between them hadn’t been worth it to keep.

He rests a hand on his little bump and seeks comfort from it.

“I still wanted you to come, even when I hadn’t told you,” Chanyeol says quietly, “But then I saw you earlier today. I know, you haven’t had the best times with your family these past few years. But you had your mother, and Sehun, and Tao, and I knew that in time they’d fill the void your parents’ divorce had left.”

“Wow, you’re really as dumb as Sehun says you are,” Baekhyun laughs sadly at Chanyeol’s assumptions.

“He called me dumb?” Chanyeol frowns. Baekhyun continues to laugh.

“Who are you to decide what I feel?” Baekhyun demands, all traces of humour lost as he looks squarely into Chanyeol’s eyes.

“Let me ask you something, and be honest with me here, Baek. Would you have said yes if I told you to come with me?”

“I-I…” Baekhyun stutters. He thinks about his mother; she was still coping with her loneliness, having her husband abandon her and the family. He thinks about Sehun, his little brother who he knows needs him more than he lets on. He thinks about Tao, his best friend who’s constantly in need of his advice. Chanyeol was right. If he leaves, he would miss them dearly.

Before he knows it, his cheeks are wet and his heart feels heavy with indecision. It was awful to be crying in front of Chanyeol. The last time he had, it had been the first time they’d met.

“Then did you consider what would happen to us?”

“I just thought you’d move on from me,” Chanyeol admits. 

“And if I told you I can’t leave them behind… would you stay?” Baekhyun couldn’t help but ask, even if the answer might hurt him. But he had to be selfish for once. He had to try, if not for himself, for his baby girl.

Chanyeol is staring at him, his internal confliction reflected in his eyes.

Baekhyun trembles as he breaks. “What if I told you that I’m pregnant, and that it’s yours?”

Chanyeol gapes silently at him. His eyes flicker to the hand that’s resting on Baekhyun’s abdomen. He can’t see a difference; there isn’t anything remotely visible what with the huge robe Baekhyun has on.

“What if…” Baekhyun chokes on a sob, “What if I told you I can’t do this alone because I’m in love with you? I’ve loved you since the first day and I could never open my heart to anyone but there you were—with your smile and warm hugs and never-ending love to give. My parent’s divorce fucked me up and I thought I could never love anyone but there you were, Chanyeol. What if I told you I can’t do this unless you stay?” 

Baekhyun’s exhausted. He’s emotionally drained with all the crying – and it’s not like his tears were going to stop any time soon – and his feet were killing him from standing for too long. But he can’t move an inch; all he can do is to curl in on himself and let the dreadful feeling pass.

It takes Chanyeol a long minute to let it all sink in, and then he’s closing the gap between them and gathering Baekhyun into his arms.

“ _Then I will stay_ ,” Chanyeol whispers into his hair.

Baekhyun pulls out of the hold and gazes away, tears still falling. “But… I can’t let you do this, either.”

“I know I said that I have to leave because my family is in the UK,” Chanyeol begins, “But you’re my family now, too.” Chanyeol’s hand comes up and he hesitates for a moment, as if wondering if he could, but then decides to give a fleeting caress to the bump. There’s a flicker of surprise in his eyes when he feels how hard and round it is, how _real_ it is, but then he cups Baekhyun’s chin to tilt his gaze towards his own. 

“Remember that day you came to find me with a tub of ice cream in your hands? Baekhyun snorts in laughter despite his tears. It feels like a lifetime ago when it’s only been a few months. 

“Remember what you said then?” Chanyeol says softly, “Things don’t have to be complicated. 

“We can work this out, Baekhyun.” And just like that, Baekhyun finds himself welcoming the embrace this time. He feels like the dead weight that has been sitting upon his shoulders has been lifted with his confession and Chanyeol’s acceptance. Chanyeol holds him tightly, no intentions of letting go anytime soon.

He had been quite an idiot in the way he’d handled things.

“Do you _really_ have to go?” Baekhyun sniffs after a while. He’s still clinging onto the boy’s jacket and like Chanyeol, he didn’t feel like letting up his hold on him.

One of Chanyeol’s hand sneaks between them and rubs the swell fondly.

“This changes a lot of things, doesn’t it?”

Baekhyun’s hands fall away. “I’m still bitter about the fact that you could just leave me without a fucking word.”

Chanyeol sighs and runs a hand down his face, the other planted on a hip. “I told you, I was going to do that romantic thing where I gave you an ultimatum and then we run away into the sunset but it totally backfired, okay? Can we not talk about that anymore please? It’s mortifyingly embarrassing.”

Baekhyun actually laughs this time, and it makes Chanyeol happy that the boy isn’t upset anymore. But before he could rejoice, Baekhyun is trembling again and then he’s unexpectedly bursting into tears.

"Baek ah... are you okay?" The shorter boy is laughing, but he’s also crying at the same time. He shakes his head, wiping his eyes with the back of a hand. Chanyeol latches a hand onto Baekhyun’s wrist, the other hand moving to rub his back in a soothing manner.

"Talk to me."

"This is real," Baekhyun begins after a moment of pulling himself together. "We're having a baby together."

"You..." Baekhyun looked up uncertainly. "You want this, don't you? I mean, with me?"

"I'm not leaving _you_ , Baek," Chanyeol frowns, slightly hurt that Baekhyun still had doubts about his commitment to their future together. “I’m staying till you have the baby, then we can think about the rest at a later time, okay? I’m not going to let go of what we have.”

Chanyeol’s lips quirk into an affectionate smile. “I didn’t find a home here, but I found one in you. I’d be crazy to lose it after all the years of loneliness.”

“I want a life with you,” Chanyeol confesses. “What better way to start than with a baby right?” he jokes.

Baekhyun is properly crying now. Large, familiarly calloused, hands come up to cup his cheeks. 

"I want a life with you, too, Chanyeol."

Chanyeol gently wipes the tears away with his thumbs before tugging the older man back into his arms. Baekhyun welcomes the warmth. He’d done his fair share of worrying over the past few weeks if Chanyeol was serious about them after all the misunderstandings.

"You're still crying." Chanyeol points out quietly after a pause.

"I don’t think I can handle being abandoned again. The emotional scars from my father’s departure and parent’s divorce left a deeper wound than I thought it ever would,” Baekhyun admits into the Chanyeol's sleeve.

"I know," Chanyeol says, "I won’t abandon you or our baby. I promise, I won't hurt you. I can't promise _everything_ but what I can is that I won’t leave you on your own.”

"I know," Baekhyun whispers, cries steadily growing once more. "I know you won’t and you're making me cry." Baekhyun tightens his hold around Chanyeol's waist. "I can't stop crying, fuck."

Chanyeol erupts into a raucous laughter, throwing his head back. 

"Don’t laugh at me," Baekhyun whines.

"I'm not." Despite his words, Chanyeol can’t seem to stop. It reminds him too much of that funny incident of the first time they’d met. He leads them to a bench nearby, seating them both, his arm draped around Baekhyun's shoulders that are still heaving from his cries. 

"They just keep falling," Baekhyun mutters weakly as he buries his face in his hands. 

Chanyeol rubs his shoulder soothingly, unable to repress a smile, "It's just the hormones now I think," Chanyeol offers knowingly. He isn't necessarily an expert but he'd heard and read enough to know what those pesky chemical substances could do to one's mood, especially to one with child.

“I don’t usually cry easily, do I?” Baekhyun wonders.

“Not really,” Chanyeol replies thoughtfully. “You don’t cry in front of anyone, or even me, for that matter.”

“ _God_ ,” Baekhyun mutters, tilting his head back as if the action could make his tears stop.

"It's fine with me if little pea makes you a teeny bit more emotional than you usually are," Chanyeol assures him as he kisses Baekhyun's temple. The latter feels a warm rush of affection for Chanyeol at the impromptu nickname for their baby. It made Baekhyun content and relieved, knowing that Chanyeol is just as excited as he was about the pregnancy now that the elephant in the room is out of the way.

Chanyeol rocks them both lightly, not letting up his hold on the other as Baekhyun continues to sniffle.

It’s only a few minutes later when Baekhyun finally stops, heaving a huge sigh. He leans into Chanyeol, feeling a few pounds lighter.

"Alright?"

"Better," Baekhyun nods, smiling weakly. Chanyeol interlaces his fingers with Baekhyun's, helping him up. 

Baekhyun gasps in surprise when Chanyeol quite literally sweeps him off his feet and carries him in his arms.

“I know you’re tired after all that drama,” Chanyeol says quite nonchalantly. “What if you trip and fall? Your robe’s too long on you.”

"You don't have to treat me like an invalid, you know," Baekhyun mumbles sleepily. Despite his words he’s actually the treatment.

"I'm not treating you like an invalid. I'm just treating you like how you deserve to be treated." Chanyeol grins playfully.

"That's worse," Baekhyun groans. "You're the worst."

"I am now?" Chanyeol asks in amusement.

"Yes," Baekhyun insists, eyes drowsy with the need to sleep after an emotionally draining confrontation. "But I guess I just have to deal with it."

"You have no choice," Chanyeol agrees, watching as Baekhyun's eyes flutter to a close. "You're stuck with me now."

“Mmm,” Baekhyun hums blearily.

“I love you, Baek. You hear me? You’re my home,” Chanyeol whispers lowly, “I hope you don’t ever forget that.”

\--

**Some months later**  
“I can’t believe she has your ears.”

“Well, don’t complain because she has your small eyes, so I think we’re even.”

“You dare insult my eyes, Park Chanyeol?!” Baekhyun shrieks, glad that their daughter sleeps like a log. She won’t wake up even when the alarm rings in the morning. But when she does, all hell breaks loose.

“I’m not insulting them,” Chanyeol rushes to correct himself. “That was a compliment. I love your eyes. They’re cute, like almonds.”

Baekhyun lets it go but continues to eye him warily. Chanyeol is saved by Tao who skips over to them, dragging Sehun along by the arm.

“I can’t believe you’re leaving this soon!” Tao wails as soon as he’s within earshot.

“I’m not leaving for good,” Baekhyun comforts him, using his free arm that wasn’t occupied with a sleeping baby to hug him. “We’ll be back for the holidays, or whenever Chanyeol has the week off from work.”

“Actually, even if he doesn’t, I can come visit anytime until I get a job.” He grins. “Let Chanyeol settle Hana. Mummy needs a little vacation to himself at times, doesn’t he?”

Chanyeol tries to ignore Baekhyun’s comment but the latter’s glare makes him cower as he reluctantly nods.

“And if Chanyeol doesn’t want to do it then I’ll punch him in the face again,” Sehun says nonchalantly, eyeing the tall man.

“Again?” Both Tao and Baekhyun chorus.

“He came to find me during the break after our Finals,” Chanyeol admits begrudgingly. “He called me an asshole and then told me that it wasn’t easy seeing Baek hide his feelings for me for three years because he knew how difficult it was for Baek to come to terms with the fact that he was in love despite how pessimistic and cautious he’d been before that.”

“You punched him,” Baekhyun looks to his brother in confirmation. Sehun gives an apologetic look but nods.

“That’s literally the nicest thing you’ve ever done for me.”

“We might be different and I know I don’t talk much but I’ve always loved you, Baek hyung. You’re my brother and I care about you.” Sehun gives one of the warmest and widest smiles Baekhyun has ever seen from him. 

Baekhyun’s eyes start to well up in tears. “Thank you, Sehunnie. I love you, too.” 

“This is such a precious moment,” Tao sobs dryly beside them as Chanyeol moves closer to wrap an arm around Baekhyun’s shoulder. Just then, Hana awakes from her deep slumber. Upon realising that she’s in a new environment, her cries begin. It starts with a few choked sobs before she breaks out into an undulated high-pitched cry.

“She’s sitting with you on the plane,” Baekhyun declares as he dumps the wailing baby into Chanyeol’s arms.

“The things I’d do for you, Byun Baekhyun,” Chanyeol sighs as he rocks their daughter to soothe her cries.

\--

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave your review at LiveJournal. ♥


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